{"id":269,"date":"2019-10-14T18:39:13","date_gmt":"2019-10-14T22:39:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/trestlewoodcounseling.com\/?p=269"},"modified":"2019-10-14T19:56:55","modified_gmt":"2019-10-14T23:56:55","slug":"survivorsspeak-whyistayed-and-dating-violence","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/trestlewoodcounseling.com\/index.php\/2019\/10\/14\/survivorsspeak-whyistayed-and-dating-violence\/","title":{"rendered":"#SurvivorsSpeak, #WhyIStayed and Dating Violence"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed-youtube wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"525\" height=\"296\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/V1yW5IsnSjo?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=en-US&#038;autohide=2&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox\"><\/iframe><\/span>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Domestic Violence is one of the most common ways women\nsuffer at the hands of men. It is a topic less openly discussed as domestic\nviolence victims often have safety concerns that keep them from sharing\npublicly. The #MeToo movement has sparked more conversation and the National Domestic\nViolence hotline in 2018 reported a 30% spike in calls and other forms of contact\nquite possibly due to the confidential nature of discussing a history of or\ncurrent domestic violence. In sharing that one has been a victim\/survivor of\ndomestic abuse it not only identifies them and their story but also exposes the\nother person as the abuser. Often many choose to not speak about the abuse due\nto victim blaming as the abuse may happen over many months or years and the\nvictims are often asked the question \u201cwhy didn\u2019t you leave?\u201d Blaming the victim\nvs holding the abuser accountable is another reason why many chose to not speak\nup. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">While domestic violence may conjure up different pictures from reach life and movies, one form of domestic violence I want to highlight is dating violence. Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month is actually in February but as one form of Domestic Violence I wanted to write about it during Domestic October. One in three young women and girls are victims of dating violence. According to the website \u2018Love Is Respect. Org\u2019 \u00a0dating violence is very common. Stats from the site include: <\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>\u201cNearly 1.5 million high school\n     students nationwide experience physical abuse from a dating partner in a\n     single year.<\/li><li>One in three adolescents in the U.S. is a victim of\n     physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner, a\n     figure that far exceeds rates of other types of youth violence.<\/li><li>One in 10 high school students\n     has been purposefully hit, slapped or physically hurt by a boyfriend or\n     girlfriend.\u201d<\/li><li>\u201cGirls and young women between\n     the ages of 16 and 24 experience the highest rate of intimate partner\n     violence \u2014 almost triple the national average.<\/li><li>Among female victims of intimate partner violence, 94%\n     of those age 16-19 and 70% of those age 20-24 were victimized by a current\n     or former boyfriend or girlfriend.<\/li><li>Violent behavior typically begins between the ages of\n     12 and 18.<\/li><li>The severity of intimate partner\n     violence is often greater in cases where the pattern of abuse was\n     established in adolescence.\u201d<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The CDC states that\nthere are four types of dating violence: <\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Physical violence<\/strong>\n     is when a person hurts or tries to hurt a partner by hitting, kicking, or\n     using another type of physical force.<\/li><li><strong>Sexual violence<\/strong>\n     is forcing or attempting to force a partner to take part in a sex act,\n     sexual touching, or a non-physical sexual event (e.g., sexting) when the\n     partner does not or cannot consent.<\/li><li><strong>Psychological aggression <\/strong>is the use of verbal and non-verbal communication with\n     the intent to harm another person mentally or emotionally and\/or exert\n     control over another person.<\/li><li><strong>Stalking<\/strong>\n     is a pattern of repeated, unwanted attention and contact by a partner that\n     causes fear or concern for one\u2019s own safety or the safety of someone close\n     to the victim.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cDating Violence may also include controlling\nbehavior such as not letting you hang out with your friends, calling you\nfrequently to find out where you are, whom you&#8217;re with, and what you&#8217;re doing,\ntelling you what to wear or having to be with you all the time.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It is also stated that long term effects of dating violence may\ninclude:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Experience symptoms of anxiety and depression<\/li><li>Victims are at higher risk for substance abuse, eating\n     disorders, risky sexual behavior and further domestic violence.<\/li><li>Being physically or sexually abused makes teen girls\n     six times more likely to become pregnant and twice as likely to get a STI.<\/li><li>Half of youth who have been\n     victims of both dating violence and rape attempt suicide, compared to\n     12.5% of non-abused girls and 5.4% of non-abused boys.<\/li><li>Dating violence can negatively\n     influence the development of healthy sexuality, intimacy, and identity as\n     youth grow into adulthood (4)<\/li><li>Dating violence can increase\n     the risk of physical injury, poor academic performance, negative body image\n     and self-esteem, and violence in future relationships.(5)<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed-youtube wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"525\" height=\"296\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/iwuy5UZy3Gw?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=en-US&#038;autohide=2&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox\"><\/iframe><\/span>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Prevention includes\nidentifying risk factors such as experience in stressful life events\/symptoms\nof trauma (including history of past sexual abuse), poverty, exposure to\nviolence, dating at an early age, sexual activity prior to age 16, low self-esteem\nor depressed mood, etc. Prevention also includes identifying safe and healthy\nrelationship skills, engagement of influential adults and peers, creative a\nprotective environment at home and school and strengthening supports are some\nways take an active role in prevention (7). It is critical to learn to develop\nhealth coping, mood management and communication skills as well as boundary\nsetting in younger years (2). <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Domestic Violence takes many forms and effects adults and youth. I have included at the end of this blog some resources for our readers to explore for more information. What is important to take away from this is the need for supportive, positive and healthy relationships with peers and adults, to model healthy relationships, to identify risk factors and to address possible dating violence behaviors no matter how insignificant they seem. <strong>One third<\/strong> of dating violence victims share their experience with a peer or adult; that does not mean that one third receive support or get help. Although this statistic seems appalling, in a culture where victims are blamed for their abuse or criticized for coming out it is not surprising. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If you are a victim of dating violence or another form of domestic violence please tell a trusted adult, friend, police officer, mental health clinician or medical provider. You may also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 7-800-799-7233 or explore resources and information at www.thehotline.org.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Preventing Intimate Partner Violence Across The Lifespan: <a href=\"file:\/\/\/C:\/Users\/Heather\/Desktop\/Trestlewood%20Counseling%20Group\/Therapy%20Related%20Paperwork%20-%20Copy\/Paperwork\/Blogs\/ipv-technicalpackages.pdf\">file:\/\/\/C:\/Users\/Heather\/Desktop\/Trestlewood%20Counseling%20Group\/Therapy%20Related%20Paperwork%20-%20Copy\/Paperwork\/Blogs\/ipv-technicalpackages.pdf<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Dating Abuse Statistics: <a aria-label=\" (opens in a new tab)\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"file:\/\/\/C:\/Users\/Heather\/Desktop\/Trestlewood%20Counseling%20Group\/Therapy%20Related%20Paperwork%20-%20Copy\/Paperwork\/Blogs\/Dating_Abuse_Statistics.pdf\" target=\"_blank\">file:\/\/\/C:\/Users\/Heather\/Desktop\/Trestlewood%20Counseling%20Group\/Therapy%20Related%20Paperwork%20-%20Copy\/Paperwork\/Blogs\/Dating_Abuse_Statistics.pdf<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Break The Cycle: <a href=\"http:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/\">http:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">National Resource Center on Domestic Violence: <a href=\"https:\/\/nrcdv.org\/dvam\/tdvam\">https:\/\/nrcdv.org\/dvam\/tdvam<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.loveisrespect.org\/\">National Dating Abuse Helpline<\/a>&nbsp;\n This hotline provides 24-hour national web-based and telephone \nresources to help teens experiencing dating abuse. Young people (as well\n as concerned friends, parents, teachers, clergy, law enforcement and \nservice providers) anywhere in the country can call toll free, \n1-866-331-9474, text \u201cloveis\u201d to 22522, or log on to the interactive \nwebsite, <a href=\"http:\/\/www.loveisrespect.org\/\">loveisrespect.org<\/a>, and receive immediate, confidential assistance. &nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><sup>1<\/sup> U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 2011<br> <sup>2<\/sup> CDC, 2010<br> <sup>3<\/sup> Halpern, Oslak, Young, Waller, Markin, &amp; Kupper, 2001<br> <sup>4<\/sup> Foshee &amp; Reyes, 2009<br> <sup>5<\/sup> CDC, 2012<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><sup>6 Love is Respect.org, <\/sup>2017<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">7 Youth.gov, 2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month Domestic Violence is one of the most common ways women suffer at the hands of men. It is a topic less openly discussed as domestic violence victims often have safety concerns that keep them from sharing publicly. The #MeToo movement has sparked more conversation and the National Domestic Violence &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/trestlewoodcounseling.com\/index.php\/2019\/10\/14\/survivorsspeak-whyistayed-and-dating-violence\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;#SurvivorsSpeak, #WhyIStayed and Dating Violence&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-269","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p8SSLF-4l","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":258,"url":"https:\/\/trestlewoodcounseling.com\/index.php\/2019\/03\/28\/more-than-rest-the-importance-of-sleep-hygiene\/","url_meta":{"origin":269,"position":0},"title":"More Than Rest: The Importance of Sleep Hygiene","author":"trestle5104","date":"March 28, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=WNj1Y11t_x8 We all have heard that the goal is to get 8 hours of sleep a night, but do we do that consistently? 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