I was having one of those mornings. I overslept, spilled coffee on myself and was running late. The babysitter arrived at 8:45 and I threw my lunch into the my work bag and was greeted with a flat tire on my car. I had approximately 9 minutes to get to my 9am appointment and was stuck in more ways than one. Fortunately, my babysitter kindly offered to pack up my 6year old and 3 year old and drop me off at my office around the corner so I could make my appointment on time. And my husband stepped up and offered to pick me up after work and deal with getting a new tire when he got home from work himself. Needless to say it was a rough morning and despite benefiting greatly from the kindness of others, I was feeling very joyful or grateful.
Gratitude is a topic that often comes up in my sessions. One of my favorite conversations to have with clients is discussing what they are grateful for in their lives. And while those conversations are invigorating and warm my heart, I believe from both personal and professional experience that there is a difference between feeling grateful and practicing gratitude. The concept of gratitude as a practice comes up in many of Brene’ Brown’s writings, but especially in “The Gifts of Imperfections: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are.” In the book, Brown introduces the idea that gratitude is a practice. If in our darkest times when we are feeling most vulnerable physically, emotionally or spiritual we can identify what we are grateful for in our lives than it can make all the difference. Gratitude helps us to access joy in the ordinary every day moments in our life. Joy is what makes our lives worth living and when we practice gratitude we add more to our lives. Joy and gratitude help us to build resilience to manage those dark and vulnerable times in our lives.
So what specifically does the practice of gratitude of look like? Let’s go back to my 5 star morning that included the kindness of others. Instead of starting the day off ungrateful and cranky and focusing on all the things that went wrong, I could have acknowledged that I was feeling vulnerable and overwhelmed and identified that I was grateful for my babysitter driving me to work and my husband stepping up to deal with the tire. The take away from the practice of gratitude is to identify ways we can stop and identify the ordinary every day things in our life we are appreciative of. These ordinary moments are fleeting and always changing. When we acknowledge and share them with ourselves and others, we offer a glimpse to others inside our life and a way to be genuinely seen.
Erin Arwady, LMSW is an experienced, creative therapist for individuals, children, and families. Utilizing an integration of holistic techniques such as mindfulness and expressive arts and intentional evidence-based strategies such as CBT and DBT, Erin helps individuals and families identify their goals, express feelings and thoughts, and develop healthy coping skills.